I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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