How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
