Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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