someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
