What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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