Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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