i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize