You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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