Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
