I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
look no pants
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
