just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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