soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
