I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
