Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
