Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!