someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me