she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"