I cut my penus on the lid.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
