he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.