So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
