Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
two words: eviction party
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
