I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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