I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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