Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
