I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just pee around me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
