you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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