Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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