i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
