I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
