ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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