Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
