Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
