she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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