That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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