Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
