the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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