Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
vagina is talking i cant
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
