May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
