all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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