...so i touched it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
