You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
