So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
