sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
