Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
