Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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