I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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