is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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