Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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