Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
