I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
