plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
