I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This house was built for laser tag.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize