i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
