That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
