i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
