We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
