She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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