please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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