I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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