I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
