I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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