well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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