There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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