I smell stomach acid.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
