There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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