If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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